How to Get What You Want in Work and Life

Many of my life coaching and business coaching clients express a certain dissatisfaction and ineffectuality in both their professions and their personal lives. A feeling that yes, their credentials and accomplishments appear impressive on paper. And yet, somehow they are removed from the entire situation... almost a spectator, as events unfold that they have little to no control over.
Why is this? How can a grown individual who has clearly "made it" in the traditional sense, hold the belief that they have no say in what happens to them? Is this an imagined perception? Or is it really true that other people are calling the shots while they sit there in passive acceptance?
The answer to this question is that if they're feeling it, then it's probably happening. It's not an uncommon feeling, by any means. And no, the situation is surely not a desirable one, but it's certainly something that can be worked through and overcome. Many have moved on to living a life that's in alignment with their values and beliefs. Many people have learned to navigate their own course. You can, too.
The majority of professionals, in fact, will express at least once in their lifetime, that their lives are governed by outside influences beyond their control - people, situations, events. It happens precisely BECAUSE they have adopted this passive attitude, and it's a dead-end mindset for sure. After all - the more one holds the belief that he has no influence on his own outcomes, the less likely he is apt to try and do something to improve the situation.
I was faced with a coaching challenge recently where my client could not see that the answers to her issues were inside of her and had been all along. When I challenged her to look beyond her perceived limitations and come up with an alternative plan of action to help herself, I was met with resistance. My client expected that I would make the decisions and supply the solutions for her. But that's not what coaching is all about.
Coaching, whether in the professional or the personal sense, is a co-creative, collaborative process where one is able to move past perceived limitations and learn to have a greater impact on what's happening around them and to them. When you work with a coach, you embark on a partnership that allows you to get to know your strengths more intimately as a means of becoming empowered to live your life the way you want, and not what someone else has prescribed for you.
Some tips on how to get beyond the mentality that you are nothing more than a passenger on the road of your own life:
Instead of blaming others, begin to realize that you can influence outcomes and realize change through your own words and actions.
Instead of saying "I can't" or "I don't know how," realize that the vast power lies within you. Open your mind to learning new things, mastering new skills, growing beyond what you know today.
Instead of treating the past as a crutch that prevents you from moving forward in the future, take an inquisitive and analytical approach.
Ask questions in everything you do. Why did this work for me before, but it's not working now? What changes can I make so that things will go the way I want?
Accept disappointment as a temporary obstacle, not a crushing defeat.
Appreciate your personal gifts - learn how to use your unique talents to your advantage.
Recognize that the power to take decisive action on your own behalf is within you and has been all along.
Realize that if you don't care for the way something is playing out, you can opt out of the situation without serious consequence.
Trust that when things go wrong, you have the ability to repair the situation on both words and deeds.
Steer clear of naysayers - surround yourself with positive influences.
Instead of defining yourself by what you do, base your actions around what you believe - the things that are most important to you in the world.
Discover the ways in which you can achieve outstanding results professionally and personally.
Copyright 2007 David B. Bohl, REFLECTIONS Coaching LLC. All rights reserved.
Life coach and consultant David B. Bohl inspires corporate professionals, entrepreneurs and other individuals to define and create well-balanced, fulfilled lives. For insights into the work-life balance, sign up for Lifestyle and Workstyle Reflections, the monthly newsletter from REFLECTIONS Coaching, LLC or visit REFLECTIONS Coaching LLC to learn more.
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