Begin To Design Your Perfect Life

Maureen was close to tears, she was exhausted and she was confused. Her life, on the face of it, was excellent – a loving and supportive husband, two grown-up children and several grand-children that she adored, and no particular money worries.

But something was wrong. She couldn’t identify it but knew it was there. Happiness was elusive and she had no time to herself. She became increasingly short-tempered and frustrated, and so very tired.

Maureen had always been there for her family. It was taken for granted, expected of her in fact, and she loved it. Her life was a whirl of activities. Birthday cakes for the grand-children, picking up shopping for her eldest daughter when she was held up at work, collecting the children from school, baby-sitting, nursing the little one through a bout of illness: it was never-ending. And now, with her husband on the verge of retirement, Maureen's future should have burned brightly. But … .

Maureen had never questioned her duty. After all, she felt, we’re dealt a hand and we make the best of it. Life was good, can’t complain. But that niggle wouldn’t go away. She felt run-ragged and confused, unappreciated and resentful. “I don’t feel satisfied”, Maureen had said, “although I don’t stop from one minute to the next. I don’t know what’s wrong, I just feel a bit ‘ho hum’ at the end of each day. I’d like to do something for me, but what, and where would I find the time?”

A very simple starting question to ask is “What would I love to do - right now?”. When Maureen was asked this question, her mind immediately blocked it with logic. She squirmed, followed by a long silence; there was confusion and conflict in that silence. Gradually words started coming to her, almost as though someone else was speaking them; long-forgotten thoughts and ideas came bubbling up, her excitement grew.

That question proved to be the catalyst. With continued questioning Maureen re-discovered her desire to spend more time in the garden. Her dream had always been to produce organic vegetables. Now, with the powerful realisation that she was able to make changes, she could put a plan to obtain an allotment. She has balance and fun, and renewed energy and enthusiasm to share with her family and her husband in his retirement.

How does your life look? Do you have dreams you’ve given up on?

We all have the ability to make changes in our lives, once we realise what we want. And that’s the crux.

Stop for a minute, right now, and take a little time to consider what shape you would like your life to take. Think about what is stopping you. What prevents you from making those changes, from doing what you’d love to do? Is it your beliefs – I can’t, I’m not good enough, what if I fail? Or is it that you haven’t yet identified your desires?

Here are five suggestions to help you with the process of discovering what you want.

1. Make a list of the things that you DON’T want in your life. These are things you are tolerating, that sap your energy; an unsatisfactory job, a particular relationship or the way you are currently reacting to a situation.

2. Make a list of the things you DO want in your life. This list could include everything you’d like to have, personality traits you’d like to develop, things you’d like to do, places you’d like to visit, people you’d like to meet, books you want to read. Take the brakes off and dream.

3. Do you still want it? For each want, what will change in your life? How will you feel? What will it bring you?

4. Create a plan. Who is already doing what you want to do, has what you want or is living the life you would like to live? Who will support and encourage you?

5. Take action. Decide on one thing, even something small, that you can do within the next 24 hours that will move you closer to what you want. And do it!

Jane came to me wanting to lose weight. She was tired and yearned for more energy. She felt sluggish and everything was too much effort. She got depressed and ate. This robbed her of further energy, so she ate. A vicious circle.

As we talked, Jane re-discovered her passion for life and her weight issue disappeared! Her confidence grew and with it a new pride in the way she looked. She even said how much her husband loves her as she is. We discovered through our sessions that Jane’s underlying issue was one of boredom, self-image and frustration. Her life wasn’t turning out the way she’d dreamed and she couldn’t see any way to change things. So she ate for comfort.

With my support, Jane followed the process I outlined above. She identified what she didn’t want and what she did want. She is exercising regularly (something she loved but had no energy for), spending quality time with her husband and children, and developing her enthusiasm for life in a variety of surprising new directions.

Try the above exercise. You might be surprised at what you discover.


© Key Life Coaching 2007. All Rights Reserved. You may reprint this article as long as you do not edit the article in any way and give author name credit.


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About the Author: Hazel Dudley is a Life Strategies & Results Coach and passionate about the undiscovered potential and possibilities everyone has inside themselves. She helps people to explore what they want from life and to establish an effective way to achieve it. To find out more about how to work with Hazel, please telephone (01425) 674746 or visit her website at http://www.keylifecoaching.com.